Sunday, April 20, 2014


I'm home; tadaima.

Why am I here again, because in the end, this is the only place I can pour out whatever in heart, no matter what 'genre' the 'story' might be. Nowhere else is safe enough.

So, it has been almost 5 months into 2014.

A year that is.. *crumbling sound*.
I am not sure of myself but one thing that I know; I have hate for myself.

I know, this is so stupid. Why am I so dark and gloomy.
What went wrong. I'm not sure myself.

I found myself falling deep and deeper into an 'abyss'.
And because of that, I hate myself.

But, Alhamdulillah I am born a Muslim.
Without iman, I can't imagine whatever that could have happened to me.

I want somebody to listen. But nobody is listening.
Even if they listen, they are NOT 'listening'.

Well perhaps, its just me.
I am the one who is not listening.

I feel so stupid, I hate myself for being so and thinking so.


p/s: ofcourse no one is listening Shahila. the only one who'll listen to you not matter what no matter where no matter how is the One & Only - the Creator.

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